Two Weeks Down and Four to Go

So far this radiation therapy gig is going well. The drive takes longer than the treatment and then I am off to work or to do some shopping before heading back home to catch up on a few chores. I haven't noticed any side effects, no burning or low energy. I am told that I won't be seeing that until 3 to 4 weeks into the treatment session. I have been applying aloe vera 99% twice a day and hoping that is enough.

I have heard all sorts of different responses from people - no tiredness and very little burning, others have said they were soooooo tired towards the end, some had burning and were feeling pretty sensitive, others just had flakiness. So I am hoping for the best outcome for myself. I did notice during chemotherapy that when they had told me that I would very likely feel verrrrryyy tired that evening, I went home and felt verrryyy tired. The next morning I had gotten up and felt great and decided most of it was due to suggestion. So this time I will be keeping that in mind and am determined NOT to get verrrrryyyyy tired.

Overall things are doing well, hair on the head is slowly growing back, mostly dark brown (oh, that was what my original color was!) along with a good mixture of gray (sigh). It seems to be slow, but it has grown probably a 1/2 inch now. I am hoping that in 2 months or less I will be able to remove the wig and unveil my new head of hair (newly dyed and hopefully somewhat styled).

I have been feeling fairly energetic, but unfortunately have been gaining more weight back. I am up to 117 lbs. now. The brain is still operating a little slow and memory is still a little vague, but things seem to be slowly coming back and concentration isn't as difficult. So overall doing well and looking forward to the end of this last treatment phase. Yah!!!

New Shopping Experience

I decided it was time to graduate from stuffing a sock in the bra to using an actual breast prosthesis, so I got on-line. Gee! Something new to shop for! And good heavens! How many different things you need to consider - size, nipple or no nipple, color, tear drop shape or round shape, silicone or fabric, full weight or light weight. I had no idea there was so much involved. I should just have my daughter help me out. She has been running around stuffing balls of rolled up toilet paper under her shirt and displaying a C cup! Oh boy. I am just not ready for that yet. Back to shopping.

I finally picked a fabric prosthesis as they advertised they were sooo much more comfortable. However, I have already realized that I won't be able to swim with it, so that means getting another prosthetic for that purpose. Gee, a fashion statement. A boob for regular wear, for swimming and probably need one special for when I work out. How about for that night out on the town?

The good news is that my hair is growing back! Everywhere! Sob. I am going to have to shave my underarms and legs pretty soon. I had my brows waxed just the other day to give them some shape. I am able to wear mascara once again even though my lashes are still pretty stubby. I have eyes! And I have short stubble on my head! The kids and Paul like to rub my head as they walk by. Make a wish!

Radiation treatments will be starting this Monday. I am supposed to go in every day except for weekends to get zapped, for a total of 6 1/2 weeks. I have heard that everyone seems to have a different response to this treatment. Aloe Vera 100% lotion is recommended to be used during this time and hopefully the area will not get too sunburned and painful. Some people have said that they didn't have too much trouble, the lotion helped, and others found that they still got sunburned towards the end and it was quite painful. I may have purchased my prosthetic a little too soon as it might just aggravate the area even more.

And then there is the tiredness that you start having about halfway through the 6 1/2 weeks. This is due to the fact that the radiation treatment is destroying cells, both good and bad. The cancer cells can't replicate their DNA and make new cells, but our good cells can. So it is understandable that one would be getting pretty tired if their body is constantly having to rebuild for this length of time.

These next 6 1/2 weeks are supposed to be the final stage of treatment to fighting the cancer. It is supposed to be the easiest compared to the chemotherapy and surgery. Okay, I'm ready. Bring it on!

Sigh of relief

I went in to have the preliminary work done to prepare for radiation treatment. They informed me that they would be utilizing the CT scanner and would be inducing dye along with it. I said, funny, I just had that done on Friday. This was after I had undressed, put on one of those lovely hospital gowns and was lying on their table by the CT scanner. One of the techs came back to say that as I had just had the CT scan with dye just a few days ago, that they needed to have a blood test first to make sure that the creatinine was at a normal level. So off the table I went, got dressed and went to have the blood work done. The appointment was then rescheduled for Thursday, in two more days. I was informed to make sure that I had no more CT scans in the meantime. Hmmmmm. Since this office had scheduled both of these CT scans, I had to bite my tongue. Good thing they don't offer CT scans with dye in alleyways as I am obviously addicted and don't know whether I could hold myself back for the next 2 days! Okay, be nice, Shelley!

So off I went to do some quick grocery shopping and then head home, disappointed that I hadn't heard the results of the CT scan performed on Friday. While at the grocery store I received a call from Dr. Warner, the radiologist. She was at a different location today, but wanted to let me know that she was sorry for the scheduling problem we had with the CT scans. What a pleasant surprise for her to call me so quickly. I asked her when the radiation treatments might actually begin and she thought that September 22nd was a probable start date.

Dr. Warner then told me that she had gotten the results of the CT scan and that the nodules on my lungs had remained stable and so were most likely scar tissue and not metastatic cancer from the breast tumor!!! Whew! So far the cancer has remained contained in the breast and lymph nodes, and the radiation treatment should kill off any last remaining cancer cells.

Unfortunately this good news is shadowed by bad news of a friend who has just been diagnosed with esophageal cancer. I am hoping that her treatment will be as successful as mine appears to be. It is amazing how quickly the thoughts of fear and denial jumped up when I heard her news. I know exactly what she is going through and can only hope the best for her.

To radiate or not radiate

I met with the radiologist, Dr. Warner, yesterday. She was very informative and went over everything that I had been through. She had the pathology report which she went over with us to make sure that we understood the findings. While I had been diagnosed with invasive ductal carcinoma, no invasive cancer was found in the breast tissue from the mastectomy, only non-invasive ductal carcinoma. And that cancer had been removed with clean margins around it, showing that they had gotten all of it. So the chemotherapy did its job and killed the invasive cancer tumor.

Now the only worries that we have are the lymph nodes, one of which did show cancer and could have been in other lymph nodes that weren't removed. There were only 3 lymph nodes removed (one positive for cancer, one 'dead' due to the chemotherapy, which had probably been cancerous, and one normal lymph node). Dr. Warner said that they like to see more removed, around 10 lymph nodes so that they have a better idea of whether there was spreading of the cancer or not. She felt it was in my best interest to receive radiation therapy in two sections to cover the lymph nodes along the arm pit area and up above the clavicle where there are more lymph nodes, as well as the lymph nodes along the sternum. One of these lymph nodes along the sternum had shown uptake of sugar on the PET/CT scan that I had received back in March which could possibly mean cancer as well. The radiation destroys the DNA of cells, but while our normal cells can remake the DNA and repair itself, cancer cells cannot repair their DNA so they are destroyed.

The only confusing part to me is the numbers for 'survival'. The radiologist was saying that by receiving this radiation therapy I would be increasing my chances of not having the cancer return by another 10%. Okay, that isn't that big of a number to me. But the way she was saying it, she made it sound like a significant amount. Also by receiving the radiation therapy my right lung will be affected in a couple of areas with some scarring that could give me some trouble in the future, but she said this was a very small percentage. If I wanted to become a marathon runner after all of this, the scarring would not prevent me from doing so. My thyroid might also be affected and there is a chance that I might have to take some medication in the future for a hypo-thyroid problem. And there is also the chance of some rib fractures the first 1-3 years after the treatment, but also a small percentage.

I was told that I could receive reconstruction surgery on my breast, but as I am receiving radiation therapy which tightens the skin and 'sunburns it', they recommend waiting about a year before having this surgery performed.

Tomorrow, Friday, I will be receiving a CT scan with dye to the chest to see if the small nodules in the lungs have changed or not. I believe there had been about 5 nodules found in my lungs before chemotherapy had been started. They felt that at least 4 of them were due to scarring from infection, dust, etc, but they weren't sure about the 5th one. They had said that if any of these disappear after chemotherapy then there was a good chance that the cancer had metastasized to the lungs. Next week, on Tuesday, I go in to see the radiologist to begin the preliminary preparations for radiaton treatment which will probably start within a couple of weeks. I should hear the results of the CT scan at that time.

Healing well

After a short week I had the drains removed which was a big plus. Not only did my choice in wardrobe increase, but I also had the bandages removed and was able to finally move from sponge baths to a real shower! I was doing well and was even able to wear a bra (stuffed with a sock) without any problem as I still am fairly numb along the incision.

Just this Monday I started noticing a little more pain around the armpit area. I had a long day as I had went to the office and then afterwards had dinner with Paul and the group he works with. Even though I did nothing strenuous I noticed at the end of the day that I was somewhat swollen.

I didn't sleep well that night. It was uncomfortable lying in pretty much any position. I started thinking about what one of my sisters-in-law had said (yes, the one who had asked about the nipple) - that if you had the drains pulled too soon infection could begin. So then I had that going through my head. Then I realized that I might even be getting lymphedema as I had some lymph nodes removed and if there was a backup of lymph fluid hanging out at the armpit, my arm should be swelling up and turning red at any moment!!!! I was up in the middle of the night googling lymphedema and infections due to mastectomies. I was able to finally get some sleep but decided that I should stay home from work the next day and take it easy.

The swelling didn't get worse and didn't get better, however, this morning it seemed like the swelling was just a little worse. I already had an appointment scheduled with my surgeon in the afternoon so waited to find out what she thought.

My surgeon thought I was healing great and that yes, there was some swelling but no big deal, she would just draw out some of the fluid, that it was pretty normal. Whew! She drew out about 40 cc's which looked gi-normous in a tube! However, on looking at a measuring cup it was about a quarter cup. She said that I may need to have some more fluid drawn out at the beginning of the week, and maybe not, but that it was perfectly normal with the healing. So no lymphedema is starting and no infection, so no antibiotics are required. I think I may sleep better tonight.

Now I am supposed to start a prescription of tamoxifen which could be for 2 years before I start something else, or it could be for 5 years and then 5 years of something else. Who knows. They are still trying to come up with the best formula and 10 year test results are coming in by the end of this year as well as others that are still ongoing. It is supposed to kick start menopause in case the menopause I have entered is only temporary from the chemotherapy. I have been holding off taking the tamoxifen because of different reasons, but it looks like I have run out of reasons ( no antibiotics to interfere) and should get started. Say hello to hot flashes and night sweats! Woo hoo!

Where's my nipple?!

My sister-in-law said she had some questions that a friend of hers had asked. When they did the mastectomy, did they take the nipple? I told her that I hadn't had the bandage taken off yet, but I was pretty sure that they had taken the nipple. Then she asked if reconstruction was performed, do they give you a nipple then? I told her I hadn't investigated that but I assumed they were just rebuilding the form and not the nipple.

I went home and told Paul about this. He almost got ballistic. No nipple?! I want my nipple!!! How dare they take the nipple without telling us!!! Too funny. This obviously bothered him quite a bit and he went on Google to do a little searching. He informed me later that yes indeed, they had taken my nipple, but if we had reconstruction surgery they could rebuild the breast with a nipple if wanted. (How come I feel like the 6 Million Dollar Man - we can rebuild him!)

I saw my oncologist Wednesday morning and he said that due to the pathology findings from the surgery he felt that I should probably have radiation therapy to be on the safe side. That won't be started until about a month after the surgery to make sure that everything is healed. I will be going in 5 days a week for a shot of radiation for 6 weeks. My surgeon called me later in the day to give me more specific details on the pathology findings. She said that the tumor had been removed and the margins were clean. One of the lymph nodes was positive for cancer, but another lymph node was shriveled, obviously killed by the chemotherapy. She was very happy with the surgery and that we had gotten most if not all of the cancer. Yeah!

They don't recommend breast reconstruction surgery until after radiation treatment, and it can be somewhat difficult after that as the skin loses its elasticity. However, I am assuming that it regains a lot of elasticity after recovering from the radiation treatment. At this time I am not sure whether I will be getting reconstruction surgery or not. I am not fond of surgeries (who is?) but I will see how I do with a prosthetic and decide what will be best for me as I will have some time before making a decision. However, if I do have reconstructive surgery, I obviously need a nipple for my husband! :)

Hospital inmate on the loose

Went into the hospital on 8/08/08 to be admitted for the mastectomy. The surgery was delayed 1 1/2 hours due to a delay with a patient scheduled before me. They wheeled me into the surgery room at 2:30 p.m. The anesthesiologist announced that he was going to put some 'margarita music' on for me as I was going to be getting a 'margarita cocktail. They must have done something with my IV behind me because that is the last I remembered until I surfaced in the private room they took me to later. I was informed that I didn't get to the room until 6 p.m. and then afterwards the nurse had to nudge me a little to wake me up as I was lying there trying to catch flies. Sigh. I suppose I probably had drool rolling down my face, too.

I was fighting the anesthesia and kept dozing off and then coming back to talk to the family before dozing off on them again. The family decided to leave after a while when they had determined that I was okay, but I obviously wasn't going to be very communicative.

The surgeon stopped in the following morning to let me know that she had gotten the one tumor, that we had just biopsied earlier this week, but the original tumor (that I had thought was a rib head out of alignment) was totally gone - which she thought was freaky. I thought was great as something was obviously working - probably the vitamin D. :) However, she felt that she might not have gotten all of the cancer in the lymph node area and would probably recommend the radiation treatment afterwards. We will know more on that when the pathology report comes back later this week.

I had to deal with a little nausea through the day, but by dinner time I was able to hold my meal down and my stomach was very happy to have some solid food after almost 48 hours! As I was doing better I was able to go home that evening and was able to get a lot more rest without any nurses waking me up to take vital signs. And the first thing I had Paul do this morning was make me some coffee!

I'm feeling fairly pain free unless I move my right arm too far in any direction. I am supposed to do some stretches with my arm, but I figure I should play it fairly easy until my drains slow down a little.

All the best wishes, healing energy and support was much appreciated, and definitely helpful. During times like these you realize what great friends and family you really have.

And then there was one

I was all excited when my oncologist said that I could get by with a lumpectomy and lymph node removal. The surgeon agreed, but the radiologist didn't. There were calcifications in another quadrant of the breast that were suspicious for cancer. My surgeon and I talked and decided that the best way to make a decision was to have a needle biopsy of the calcifications and determine whether they were cancerous or not. Then we could decide on whether a lumpectomy or a mastectomy was to be performed.

The procedure was scheduled 2 weeks later, allowing my blood counts to recover. While this was happening Paul whisked the kids and I over to Norfolk, Virginia, close to Virginia Beach. While Paul worked at the Navy he had a contract with, the kids and I played in the pool and on the Chesapeake Bay beach. It was wonderful, warm and very relaxing. We all sucked up a bunch of Vitamin D and enjoyed the change of scenery and no real schedule except to get Paul to and from work.

After returning from Virginia I went in on Tuesday for the needle biopsy, lying face down on a table with my boob hanging through a hole and my head turned to one side, and told not to move while they made the biopsies and took x-rays - for a half hour. When I was finally able to move, I didn't notice my breast, it was my neck that was killing me!! Due to the chemotherapy treatments I bleed easily and the technician had to clamp down with her hand on my breast to try to get my bleeding to stop. After several minutes she made a call into the other office and asked if another tech would please come out and spell her as her hand was cramping. So I then had someone else grasping my breast and applying pressure with another tech running in to ask if they needed her, too. Great, a bunch of women wanting to hold my boobs. I told Paul about this later (he was not allowed to watch the procedure due to the radiation from the x-rays) and he said that he could have helped squeeze my boobie with no problem. :)

Today I received a call, while at work, from the surgeon telling me that the biopsy came back positive for ductal carcinoma in situ and thought that the best procedure for me was to do a mastectomy along with lymph node removal. :( I lost my cool and blubbered over Toyin's shoulder until I regained my composure. And all for a damb boob that hangs too low. Sheesh.

I am to show up at the hospital at 10:30 a.m. Friday morning - 8/08/08 - where I will then proceed to have my surgery at 1 p.m. along with a lovely overnight stay including meals at the relaxing Providence Hospital.

And the beat goes on . . .

I went in for the ultrasound and the radiologist reported that it looked like the calcifications had reduced considerably, but he would like to do a needle biopsy. He wanted to call the oncology clinic first to find out when the best time to do this would be as I had just had my last chemo treatment a couple days ago and my blood levels would be getting low.

The radiology clinic called me a couple days later and arranged for the biopsy to be performed in 2 weeks as my blood cells should be recovered by then. I am supposed to go in the day before this to have a blood test to double check everything is okay.

The technician then told me a little about the procedure. It seems that it won't be done by ultrasound as I had originally thought, but instead by mammogram as the mammogram equipment shows the calcifications a lot better. And to do this I will be lying face down. Huh? Yes, I will lie face down on a table with my breast hanging through a hole where they will then clamp the mammogram equipment onto it and flatten it into a pancake to locate the calcifications. At this time they will then perform the needle biopsy. Hoo boy! They forgot about putting my body into the pretzel position beforehand! Oh! And while we have you clamped down in this position, let's go ahead and do a colonoscopy as well! I've heard those are fun, too! Who thinks these things up, anyway?

This procedure will be performed on a Tuesday just a few days before my scheduled surgery on Friday, August 8th. If all goes well and the biopsy is negative for cancer I am assuming I will be able to proceed with a lumpectomy along with the lymph node removal. If cancer is showing in these calcifications then it may be determined that a mastectomy would be my best bet.

The jury is still out

I had my last chemotherapy treatment today and I was all excited, waiting for the treatment to end when I received a call from my surgeon. She said that she had talked to the radiologist, who had been on vacation last week, and said that he was NOT HAPPY to hear that I was only receiving a lumpectomy. He feels very strongly that I should have a mastectomy as there are calcifications in another quadrant of the breast that have not disappeared like the main tumor has, as seen on the MRI. As there had been no needle biopsy of this area before, they are suggesting that they do that and make sure that this area is not cancerous before making any more decisions on the type of surgery.

So tomorrow I am going in for an ultrasound to look more carefully at this area and to schedule for a needle biopsy depending on the ultrasound findings. I am a little confused as I had asked my surgeon about the calcifications when I saw her a week ago. She said that according to the report they had reduced remarkably. But according to the radiologist, this doesn't seem to be the case.

In researching this matter on the internet it has been mentioned that the main goal is to remove the primary tumor along with lymph nodes. As I will be receiving radiation therapy after whatever surgery I have, it sounds like that will kill off any remaining cancer cells.

I guess a little more research in the matter will be taken before the final decision is made. In any event, as much as I would like to keep my little boobie, it will have to be sacrificed if it is determined to be in my best interest. And what a little trooper it has been!

Going, going, gone?

I received my second to the last chemotherapy treatment last Wednesday and did as well as the previous time. Not near as much aching and what I did have was helped by the Tylenol.

I met my surgeon today for a short visit. She mentioned that the mammogram I had recently did not show the tumor. It was only able to be seen on the MRI, barely, as it has reduced significantly. She is thinking that she may want to have the radiologist put a 'wire' into the tumor while using ultrasound so that she makes sure she removes the right area. (That would be helpful!) As this is the larger breast she was saying as how she could probably pull it over and cover up the 'dimple' that will be left. After I left her office I was kicking myself as I didn't even think to ask her about doing a simple lift at the same time. Damn!

The surgeon said that this would be a simple outpatient procedure and that I would be going home the same day with a drain under my arm which would be removed a few days later. The surgery is scheduled on Friday, August 8th after I have received my last chemo treatment next week on Wednesday, July 16th. I am starting to see an end to all of this! Yeah! Then I will still have radiation therapy to go through, but I will have at least a month off with no treatments before I start that. Gee, what am I going to do with all that extra time?! Paul will expect me to actually get off my duff and do a little work around the house. Thbpppt! :)

Back to blogging

I didn't keep up my blog as well as I should of this time around. The last chemo treatment had went pretty smoothly and the doctor was promising me that I wouldn't have as much bone pain. And he was right!!! I was able to take Tylenol Extra Strength to take the edge off and by the Sunday after the treatment I was starting to feel pretty good. This last week has been real nice with me having more energy and feeling upbeat.

The only weird thing is that I had lost another 5 lbs two weeks before and I haven't gained any of it back yet. I weigh 113 lbs, what I weighed when I met and married Paul, but I am sorry to say that it doesn't look as good on me now as it did then!! After all this is over with there will be some serious toning up to be done. Just as soon as I get my red blood cells back!

I have my second to last chemo treatment tomorrow and I am expecting it to go just as smoothly as last time. And then next week I will be meeting with my surgeon to find out the next step. I am feeling a lot more positive at this stage with my tumor pretty much undetectable than I did at the beginning when I felt like I had just been handed my death sentence. Then again, maybe it's just finally getting some sunshine!

Six down, two to go

When I showed up for my chemotherapy treatment this week my doctor said that I must be still deciding to continue with treatments as I was there. I told him that I remembered him saying that I probably wouldn't be as sore the second time with this chemo treatment, and so I was willing to give it another try. He then proceeded to tell me that the 3rd and 4th treatments would be even better. Oh, he's good.

This time around they didn't give me as many drugs before the chemo so I wasn't knocked out as much and it was more easily tolerated. I felt great that evening, had a nice dinner and even felt good the next day until after I had my white cell booster shot which then caused me to have back and neck aches that evening. I am now having some achiness, but it hasn't been bad and has been kept in check with Tylenol Extra Strength so far. I am hoping that the doctor is right and that I don't have a lot of achiness this weekend like I did from the last treatment.

My doctor said that as we are getting close to finishing up the chemotherapy I need to make an appointment with my surgeon and start planning on when surgery will be. He would like me to have it 2-3 weeks after my last chemo session. He also seemed to think that I would do just fine with lumpectomy and lymph node dissection. Yeah! Now I just need to convince my surgeon of that option. I understand that she leans more towards mastectomies. I may have to switch surgeons if she can't see my point of view!

I have a mammogram and MRI scheduled next week so that my surgeon can see where everything is as my tumor is no longer palpable and the lymph nodes are considerably reduced. I am told that after all this I will still need to go through radiation therapy to kill off any cancer cells that may not have been surgically removed, but that will be approximately a month after the surgery.

Okay, this is for the birds!

Not sure where that expression came from. Poor birds. I thought I was doing soooooo much better with this new chemo drug. No nausea, able to eat, feeling pretty good. Hot diggety! Then the Friday after the treatment I started feeling a little achey, Saturday a little more so as well as Sunday. However, I didn't want to take the Vicodin which everyone was telling me would put me out or give me hallucinations or who knows what else! Also, it didn't seem to be that bad if I took some Tylenol Extra Strength and used a hot pack occasionally.

It has tamed down and I am able to get more than 2 hours of sleep at a time, but the achiness is still there. At least with the last drug I was back to feeling much better by the weekend after treatment and could enjoy a good week before they knocked me down with the next treatment. Hopefully this will tame down and the next dose won't be near as noticeable.

Years from now we will look back at how they treated people with cancer and say how barbaric! Austin was doing his report on George Washington and it tells how he came down with a sore throat which developed into pneumonia. Blood letting was the thing to do back in those days and they took about 5 pints of blood from him to 'treat' him, which of course helped kill him instead. And we think how barbaric that was!

So far so good!

I received a different chemotherapy dose, Taxol, yesterday that isn't supposed to cause nausea, or very little, and is supposed to be easier on the blood cells. I sure felt a lot better after receiving this treatment. No nausea, after resting for a little while I had more energy and I was hungry as I had missed lunch. I think I ate too much for dinner as our neighbor once more brought dinner over for us. At this rate I won't be complaining about flat butts anymore!

This morning I feel good and have lots of energy. I have been told that I may have some bone achiness about 2 days after the treatment. I am supposed to get a prescription for Vicodin for the pain but the pain is supposed to last only a day or so. Hopefully it won't be too bad and I can slide through these new chemo treatments a lot easier. Only 3 more to go! Yippee!

Blood cells taking another beating

I went in for my weekly blood test yesterday and was told that my red cells were down to 24 and that this is pretty low. It had been down to 25 before they gave me a red cell booster shot bringing it up to 27. They said that if I was older and had heart problems they would automatically give me a blood transfusion at this level, but since I am in pretty good shape and such a 'spring chicken' (my words) I can probably tough it out. However, I need to be careful not to overdo things as I can get dizzy and even faint and possibly hurt myself. The red cells carry the oxygen and when I do anything aerobic my heart starts pounding real hard, so I have to concentrate on doing things slow and easy and just pace myself.

I complained to the doctor that I have lost more weight and now I have a flat butt. That caught him off guard as he wasn't expecting that particular complaint, but he rallied quickly. He noted that how several years ago women wanted a flat butt, but these days we all want a bubble butt, so we're never happy with what we have.

I start a new chemo drug next week, I believe it is called Taxol. This drug isn't supposed to be as hard on the blood cells, so I should be able to start building my blood cells up from now on. It is also not supposed to cause the nausea so I should also start to build up my butt as well. Then I can complain that I can't get my 'bubble butt' into my jeans rather than my current situation. Ah well, got to have something to complain about besides scratchy wigs.

Gooooood Moornninggg, USA!

TGIS! Saturday always seems to be the day that I have more energy and an interest in doing some things, as well as an interest in eating. I have all sorts of menus popping in my head. :) I want to try a grilled Portobello caesar salad recipe that I found. And I'm sure that my kids would like me to include ice cream in the menu some where along the way, none of that green icky stuff, mom! The cretins!

The sun is shining this morning even though they aren't promising us the best weather this Memorial weekend, but I may be able to get out and play in Mother Earth for a short while.

I saw my Naturopath on Friday and she told me that my vitamin D level was 14 and it should be between 40-60!!! She said that a lot of people in this area, and other northern areas, have a lower vitamin D level due to so many cloudy days. Vitamin D has been making a lot of waves in the news lately, suggesting that low levels could lead to cancer. That seems to be my case at any rate. The naturopath gave me some vitamin D drops to take, so should get my levels up to a more normal level. Paul! Time to move to eastern Washington or south to Arizona!

Knocked down again

Thankfully this is the last dose of this nausea-causing chemo drug. From what I understand the next 4 are supposed to be easier on the system with little or no nausea.

This time around they gave me some different anti-nausea drugs which knocked me out. It seemed to keep the nausea at bay, but I wasn't conscious for very much of the time. I did throw up a couple of times the next day after my nausea drugs wore off, but things got back under control pretty quickly. It seems this morning of the second day is treating me better. I haven't taken any drugs as of yet and will just play it by ear. Hopefully the majority of the nausea is done and out of my system.

It will be interesting to see how much quickly I recover this time around. And hopefully my red and blood cells will not have taken too low of a dip. At the time of my chemo my white blood cells were clear up to 21! and my red blood cells had just creeped up from 25 to 27 - they would like those to be closer to 35-36. At least the next chemo drugs aren't supposed to be as hard on the blood cells, so should hopefully start bringing them back up to a normal level.

Blood Cells? Who needs them?!

I've figured out that it was all based on suggestion that I was feeling tired. Boy I was sooooo tired last night after I heard how low BOTH my red and white blood cells were. Was I dizzy, tired, forgetful? Oh yeah! I had the hardest time getting the kids to bed, doing what I wanted them to do, and what they needed to do, well the hell with it, because I wasn't up to forcing them to do it.

This morning, I got up and got the kids moving, cleaned up the kitchen then went on to work. Did paperwork, a little reception (not much) as well as a little massage (again, not much) and some banking and then headed home to take the kids to music lessons. We then went home where I made them clean their rooms (cleaners are coming tomorrow) and generally whipped them into shape, so they escaped to the downstairs room. Okay, I haven't done too much since then, but dang! Felt like I did a lot better than yesterday when they told me I should be sooooo tired. Hell. They haven't seen too many Montanans. :) Or maybe I should say Idahoans as my mother kept saying I sounded so much like my grandmother and we were all born in Idaho. Yee ha! :) Okay, I'm getting corny. No I mean potatoesy. :) Must be the lack of blood cells.

Red Cells, White Cells, Blue Cells?

I went in and had a blood test today to see how my blood counts were doing. White blood cells were way down as they usually are at this time in the cycle. They were down to 0.9 but will be back up around 12.0 next Tuesday when I go in for my next chemo treatment. However, this time my red cells were also down, not needing a transfusion, but getting pretty low. So now I am scheduled to go in on Friday for a red blood cell booster shot. Sheesh! Poke me here, stick me there. I am starting to feel like a human pincushion.

At least this explains why I didn't bounce back quite as well as I did on the first two treatments. I am getting things done, but definitely dragging. Though I do have more energy in the morning, so I plan on taking advantage of that over the next few days and taking it easy later in the day.

Saturday and still doing better

My appetite is getting back to normal and I am looking forward to putting some of the pounds back on that I lost this last week. If this keeps up I will need to get a new wardrobe. However, I might have a reverse affect with the weight after I start the new doses of chemo in June as I understand they don't have the nausea side effects. So I had better hold off on any new wardrobe purchases for the time being.

I received a 'book' from my daughter Taryn for an early Mother's Day gift. She had drawn pictures on each page illustrating a title for each page. 'My mom is the nicest when Austin and I are not fighting.' The next pages were a little more illuminating. 'My mom is prettiest when she wears her wigs and scarves.' Hmmmmm. 'My mom is the proudest when Austin and I are getting along.' Okay, that's good. 'My mom is the sleepiest when she takes her pills.' Oh good. Now I'm a junkie. However, she finished it off with 'You are the best mom a child could have.' Obviously she is focusing on this cancer more than I thought.

I read in the newspaper this morning where we lack vitamin D in this part of the country. That we need to get at least 15-20 minutes of sun on our arms, legs and face or back three times a week, without sunscreen. Lack of vitamin D causes fractures, doubles your chance of breast and prostate cancer, increases your chance of diabetes or worsens your control if you already have it, and causes immune deficiency. I know in the last couple of years it seems that I have been more inside than out and definitely not getting enough sun fix. That will have to change. Just waiting for the sun now.

I have been trying to go vegan (as dairy and meat are linked to several diseases) with my diet so vegan French toast is on our menu this morning. This is made with bananas, soy milk, pumpkin pie spice and vanilla. I think it will be a winner, but the kids will have the final say. :)

TGIF!!!

I am feeling soooooo much better today. And to top it all off the sun is shining and is supposed to get up to 65 degrees today! Yeah!

Not sure why I dragged so much more this time, and battled the nausea more. Maybe it just gets worse with each treatment. I'm hoping that's not the case as I still have one more of these nausea-causing chemo treatments in another week and a half.

And yes, for inquiring minds, I look damn good with my bald head. :) However, if I lose much more body hair I will have to start painting on eyebrows so that you can see my face. I'm so vain! The one plus out of this is that I don't have to do any shaving.

One more to go!

Dragging this morning after receiving my third chemo treatment. I seemed to notice the nausea effects a lot sooner. It seemed to take longer to get under control. Doing better this morning and able to eat a little. I have one more of these nausea-causing chemo treatments in 2 weeks and then things should go a little smoother during the second set of chemo.

My doctor was happy with the results so far. We are definitely noticing a decrease in the tumor and lymph node sites. Yeah! At least I am losing something else besides my hair!

Our neighbor came over last night with more food for the family. Macaroni and cheese, chicken enchiladas and fruit salad. Wow! Taryn is already asking what they are going to bring next time. :)

Now I get to go in for another one of those lovely white blood cell booster shots this afternoon and deal with the joint aching side effects. I am sooooo looking forward to Friday when the rest of the nausea is gone and the energy is back up.

Germs! Keep your Distance!

I went and had my blood work done yesterday and found that my white blood cell count has dropped down to 0.7 (it is supposed to be between 4.0 and 11.0) which means I really have no resistance to germs if I am around others who have any bugs. Otherwise I feel great and have more energy than last week. This week my body will be generating a lot more white blood cells as my white blood cell count had gotten back up to 11.2 at the time of my last chemotherapy treatment.

My Naturopath had suggested taking a root tea called astragalus that is supposed to be good for the immunity and helps bolster your white and red blood cell count. It sounds like I might need that as this $5,000 white blood cell booster shot takes its time getting going.

I have been enjoying the comments that I have been receiving on my blog. I didn't know that was a feature to the blog. I appreciate all the healing energy and good wishes everyone has been sending me. Check out the comment at my last blog from Toyin. She lists her 'my space' site at the end of her comment and if you visit the site you will hear her beautiful voice. I don't know why she is working at my spa when she obviously could go far with that voice of hers! But who am I to question our luck in having her in our lives at this point. :)

I have discovered that wigs are itchy! Especially on shaved heads. I enjoy wearing scarves and a hat instead, but at least I have the option and have something that can keep my little bald head warm. I even have to wear a little knit hat over my head at night or I get real cold.

Hair today, gone tomorrow

This morning I was all ready to chop off my hair, but when I held the scissors up I lost my nerve. I wrapped my hair up with a scarf that helped cover some of the thinned out areas, but I continued to shed (which is a big nuisance when you are cooking!) and felt itchy. I took my shower later this morning and another handful of hair came out, plus a second handful came out while I was 'styling' my hair. I just decided to heck with it! I pulled out the scissors and chopped it all off and Paul got his razor and shaved my head. OMG!!!! I look like my brother Joe! Of course he would say that there is nothing wrong with that as he is an exceptionally good looking kind of guy. :)

I am now wearing my new wig which of course does not look anything like the way the sales lady had it looking, but at least it is halfway decent and covers my bald head. This whole event wasn't near as traumatic as I thought it would be, probably because the shedding was becoming such a nuisance and dragging on for so long. It was more traumatic for the kids, watching their mom have all of her hair shaved off.

Wine? Whine?

I saw my Naturopath yesterday and she told me that I should drink green tea, take CoQ10 as well as eat cruciferous veggies (cauliflower, broccoli, kale, etc) for the anti-oxidant values. Also take cod liver oil for the vitamin D, cook with seaweed for their anti-cancer benefits and decrease my sugar and wine intake. What?! Not that I have been feeling like drinking much wine at this point, but that's not the point!

I got onto the internet (you can find anything on the internet if you look long enough) and it said that a recent study (March 2008) was showing that there were benefits to fighting cancer while drinking red wine due to the prophenylols or some such thing found in the lining of the grape skin. They were finding that it actually helped fight the cancer while one was undergoing chemotherapy!! However, it is still in the experimental stages and needs to be studied more. So at least I figure I can have a glass of red wine occasionally if I am feeling good. I suppose this proves I am an alcoholic, fighting for my red wine! Ah well.

I purchased some wakame seaweed yesterday and am planning on making some miso soup. I will have to look up more seaweed recipes as I know very little about it. My Naturopath also recommended that I get a Macrobiotic cookbook. Maybe that will give me some more ideas.

I am losing more hair. I feel itchy and am walking around 'molting'. I have some bare areas but the rest of my hair is covering up most of those patches. Tomorrow is day 19. I may be shaving my head yet. I keep thinking that I will still have something remaining, but it is pretty persistent about falling out. :(

Oh what a beautiful morning . . .

We are bursting into song down here with the beautiful morning and Shelley is feeling sooooo much better. Except for molting. Damnit! I cut my hair yesterday as my ponytail was getting pretty thin, so I bobbed it something like Luellyn's, actually. Just a lot more shaggy as I did it myself. :) More hair came out in the shower this morning and again while I was brushing it. It makes me want to shave it all off, but then I keep thinking that maybe I won’t lose all of it, so maybe I should just ride it out. I guess I will find out more on Sunday the BIG day as they said that the 19th day is when it will all come out. Paul was making fun of me, saying – yeah, you will save one little curl on the top of your head. The twit. Now I can't get that image out of my head!

I meet with a Naturopath later this morning and I'm hoping that she will have some wonder cures for me. Anything natural will be a plus after all these chemo drugs.

Hope everyone is enjoying the sunshine!

Rough Night, but doing better now

The nausea started up like it did last time, 3 hours after the chemo treatment. I took both nausea drugs and it seemed to help better, but I still ended bent over the toilet. After that my stomach stayed pretty calm, and the nausea was not quite so pressing.

Doing better this morning, but planning on taking it easy and not doing much.

Our neighbor brought over macaroni and cheese for the kids along with fettucini alfredo AND a vegetable tray with French bread! Wow! So the family ate good and I didn't have to worry about it.

I am looking forward to this weekend when I should be back to feeling much better and hopefully also enjoy some nice weather at the same time.

Second Round

Went in for my second dosing of chemotherapy. It went pretty uneventful. The good thing was that I was told my white and red blood cells were back within normal limits. Last week my white blood cells were at a 1.2 and normal is 4.0 to 12.0. Today they measured in at 11. Much better! That $5,000 white blood cell shot really did the trick. Better have for that price!!!

I am now home and trying to keep notice of any slight nausea at which time I will run for the anti-nausea medication. So far so good. Just don't feel like doing anything very active.

Aaaah! Is that a bald spot?!

Took a shower this morning and a handful of hair came out. Sob! I decided to check out the wig store in Federal Way after work. They were so very nice and helpful. I looked around a little and then the next thing I knew I was being called to come sit down and try on a few wigs. Okay. :) I fell in love with the 3rd one and feel sooooo much better now that I have something other than scarves and hats.

I tried it on when I got home to show Paul how it fit and I was having a hard time making it look like they did, but finally got it to look fairly decent. Paul thought it looked pretty sexy. Taryn thought it looked nice until she realized that it wasn't very long, maybe just above the shoulders. Not long enough! Silly girl.

Going in for my next chemo treatment tomorrow and feeling a little nervous. Hoping that the nausea will be under control much better this time around. We did get a call from our neighbors earlier today. She told Paul that she would be bringing dinner over for them tomorrow. How wonderful! So I won't worry about the family if I'm not feeling up to cooking. I had talked to Lisa, our neighbor, over a week ago and told her that I had been diagnosed with cancer and was going through chemotherapy. She then told me that she had been diagnosed with the same 5 years ago and had underwent treatment under the same doctor. It was such a relief to talk to someone who had undergone what I am starting, and to even have knowledge of the same doctor, and confidence, was a relief.

After tomorrow's treatment I will be going in for another white blood cell shot 24hours afterwards to encourage white blood cell growth. This Friday I will also be meeting with a Naturopath and hopefully finding out some other ways to fight the cancer, in a more healthy manner.

Thank you all for your positive and happy thoughts!

Cancer 101

Taryn brought home a book from the school library on cancer. I didn’t start to read it right away so she has taken it upon herself to read a chapter at a time to me. She was reading the chapter about treating cancer with chemotherapy where it kills the fast growing cancer cells, however, it also kills other fast growing cells and can affect the bone marrow, hair and nails. She then read how chemo drugs are ‘poisonous’ and large doses can kill the patient quicker than the cancer can, so doses need to be monitored. I started laughing at the wording of this lovely passage. Taryn took exception to my laughter – “Mom! This is not funny! We need to take this seriously!” When did my daughter get so grown up?

Hello World!

I am feeling soooooo much better today! Still not eating very large meals, but not having my stomach turn when I eat. I also have a lot more energy and have been taking advantage of that time to catch up on chores around the house. We went to the Olympia Farmers Market and took advantage of the sun and nice warm temps by walking along the waterfront. Life is good.

Feeling better

I had the shot yesterday which is supposed to get the white blood cells producing more. They won’t be doing the blood work until next Tuesday.

I was dragging yesterday, but was able to do a few things then went to bed early so that I could keep my tummy calm and not have to take more anti-nausea drugs. Feeling better this morning.

Ugh

Didn’t have the best evening. About 3 hours after receiving my chemo I started to become nauseous. I had nausea and vomiting for a few hours before it finally got under control with the Compazine. As the nausea drug makes you sleepy, that probably helped combat the steroid drug so I was able to get sleep throughout the night, off and on. Have low energy this morning, but the 2-3 days after chemo are supposed to be the most draining, so I expect the next 1 ½ weeks afterwards to be better.

The big day has arrived

I was at the oncology clinic for 6 hours today, but I’m told it will be a lot less the next time around as they have all the paperwork out of the way. They gave me a steroid (not the muscle building ones - damn!) that is supposed to be in my system for the next 24 hours or so. This may prevent me from sleeping, however, I might also feel like cleaning house or baking a cake, so should take advantage of it. Especially as it could drop me flat in another day or two and I won’t feel like doing anything.

After the steroid they gave me an anti-nausea drug and then proceeded with two different chemotherapy drugs that were given by IV one after the other, which took about 1 ½ hours. Nothing was painful and everyone was nice. I understand that as I continue to receive chemotherapy I will get more tired and drained as it proceeds.

I am supposed to go in for a $5,000 shot tomorrow that is supposed to encourage the white blood cells to reproduce more as the blood cells take quite a hit from the chemo. Then next Tuesday I go in for a checkup and blood checkup to make sure everything is going along as it should. I will be receiving my chemo drugs every 2 weeks for 2 months and then will start a different chemo drug that isn’t supposed to cause nausea and is maybe a little less draining. However, I'm sure it has it's own set of nasty side effects. That drug will also be given every 2 weeks for another 2 months.

I am looking forward to doing something fun in August after this is all done!!!!

The results are in

My ultrasound is negative, or shows no signs of cancer, for the other boob. My chest CT scan showed nodules in the lungs that contained calcium which is normal when there has been some scarring due to pneumonia (which I have never had) or other things. He asked if I had ever lived in southern California or Arizona (I did live in Arizona for 1 year) as there is that particular disease you can get in those areas with the dust, etc, a fungus of some kind. There was just one nodule that didn’t show the calcium so they will keep an eye on that, but the doctor was feeling pretty confident that we were probably not looking at any lung cancer so that means I am still ‘keepable’. Sorry. I’m the only one who can make those kinds of bad jokes.

My chemotherapy will be starting on Tuesday and I should actually be in pretty good shape the first couple of weeks. After a couple of chemo treatments I understand you are supposed to be more run down, so I will get more and more tired towards the end of the 4 months. The doctor said that I will most likely lose my hair after about 19 days, 2 ½ weeks into the treatment, so I should at least get a scarf and be somewhat prepared for that event.

Saw Fred today

I saw the doctors at Fred Hutchinson yesterday and they passed on the information from the PET/CT scan – no metastases were seen in the rest of the body. There was the breast cancer that I had mistaken for a rib head out of place (not a lymph node, but actual breast tissue) as well as a couple of lymph nodes under the arm showing cancer. There was also a deep mammary lymph node under the sternum positive for cancer and some nodules in the breast suspicious for cancer as well. They recommended that I start with chemotherapy to shrink the tumors so that it would also make surgery easier and maybe they wouldn’t have to take out much, if any, muscle. I would have to have a modified radical mastectomy, meaning they would take the breast including two levels of lymph nodes. And then after all of that I would need to go through 6 weeks of radiation therapy to make sure that all cancer cells were killed.

Fred Hutchinson’s has found that they have slightly better results if they give chemotherapy once a week at a slightly lower dose, rather than every 2 weeks that most other places do; however, the treatment would then be extended over a longer period of time. They would be treating with one chemotherapy drug for 12 weeks and the second one over 15 weeks. My oncologist doctor, Dr. Lechner, has been having good results with giving 4 doses of one chemotherapy drug at 2 week intervals, and then starting the second drug at the same intervals. This means that we would be done in 4 months compared to 7 months with the Fred Hutchinson plan. I jumped on his plan, especially as there doesn’t seem to be any big differences in results between the two treatment plans.

The PET/CT scan also showed that I had 3 nodules in my lungs. The doctors didn’t seem to be too worried about these as they were pretty small and most people have them from scarring or something else. However, Dr. Lechner had me get the CT scan to have a better picture of the nodules and after starting the chemotherapy I would be getting another CT scan to see if the nodules had disappeared or not. If they do disappear that means they WERE cancerous which is not good news as that means I was at a stage IV rather than II-III. Supposedly IV is not considered ‘curable’ where the others are. I was confused that if they do disappear isn’t that a good thing???? But he said not. However, none of the doctors could really explain it so that I could understand this concept.

I do have a nodule on my other breast that they want to have checked with ultrasound before starting chemotherapy. They are thinking it is a cyst and as it did not show up on the PET scan it seems most likely that is what it is, but we need to rule everything out. I am having the ultrasound done tomorrow morning and then I am supposed to meet with Dr. Lechner Friday morning to go over the last tests and to finalize our treatment plan. He will then order chemotherapy which needs to be approved by the insurance company, this can take from 48-72 hours to be approved. I am assuming that chemotherapy will not be started until the middle of next week.

Saw the oncologist today

Saw the oncologist today, Dr. Lechner. He wants more studies as he isn’t quite sure what we are looking at. He isn’t sure if there is actual cancer in the breast where the suspicious microcalcifications are or not. He wants an MRI of both breasts so that he can make sure the left breast is free and clear and to help delineate what exactly we have in the right breast. He said that the ‘lymph node’ along the breast bone – that I thought was a rib head out of alignment – is possibly the primary tumor and the pathology report mentions breast tissue and not actually a lymph node. He said it was in an odd location where lymph nodes aren’t usually located. So that actually made me feel a little better, thinking that maybe the lymph nodes under my arm have only been involved in the last month or two, so maybe my whole body ISN’T infested with cancer.

I am scheduled to get a MRI on Monday morning and hopefully this Friday or on Monday I will also receive a PET scan. An IV with an $800 sugar solution is injected first before the scan is performed. The sugar clings to fast growing cells, like tumors, and if they see something that is enlarged they can zero in on it with a CT scan at the same time. These two studies will hopefully be able to help us more with the ‘staging’ of the breast cancer, if it is more at a stage II, or if it has metastasized and is more at a stage IV.

Whatever the findings he is thinking that the best treatment is to start with chemotherapy to shrink the tumors which will mean possibly removing less breast, and then maybe/probably followed by radiation treatment. He knows that we are getting a second opinion this Tuesday at Fred Hutchinson Cancer Center so he is trying to get these two scans done before my appointment so that they have more information to work with. I will then meet with my oncologist Wednesday morning after all the tests as well as the second opinion and we will make a decision on the best treatment plan and get ready for it.

I tried to talk him into the idea of waiting until after spring break before getting hit with chemo, but Paul wasn’t for the idea and told the doctor that we would rather get the treatment started than wait until later. That is kind of a bummer as I had hoped to go to Montana with the kids and celebrate Austin’s birthday as well. :(

Needle biopsy results are in

Just got the call from the doctor and they said it is an aggressive form of cancer, grade III. It is supposed to be sensitive to estrogen and progesterone which she said was good news for treatment purposes. She wants me to see an oncologist first as they believe chemotherapy would be best to be done first and have the lymph nodes shrunk down before I have any surgery. Oh boy.

My appointment right now is not until Tuesday the 25th although she said that I could call their office tomorrow and possibly see about getting an earlier appointment if there are any cancellations.

Questions still unanswered

I don’t have too much to report as the next step is a needle biopsy of the two lymph nodes. That is scheduled for Friday afternoon so the doctor doesn’t expect the results back until Monday.
She did say, however, that the radiologist said that the area that he thought was a breast tumor showed up as calcifications on the mammogram/ultrasound. I guess there was an abnormal amount of calcification. And I had the impression that it could possibly just be that which was causing some lymph node dysfunction. However, she seemed to be leaning towards breast cancer though it could also be lymphoma. She also said that the radiologist ‘thought’ the lump alongside my breast bone area was a lymph node, but wasn’t sure. So still lots of questions.
If there is cancer she will be referring me to an oncologist who will do a scan and check for metastasis, etc and probably start me on chemotherapy which could be a 4-6 month treatment plan. If there is any surgery it would happen after the chemotherapy.

Mammogram discovered breast cancer

I went to have a mammogram this Wednesday after I found a small lump under my right arm. I found out that the ‘rib head’ that I thought was slightly dislocated was instead a swollen lymph node which I have had for the last 6 months and that I have breast cancer.

I wasn’t going to tell anyone until after I met with the surgeon this coming Wednesday as I really don’t have a whole lot to say. I don’t know how large it is, what stage it is, what type it is nor what type of treatment I will need to go through. I am expecting to find out a lot more this Wednesday. However, Paul was needing to talk to someone about it, so I figured I had better start letting people know. I only started sending emails out slowly today while dealing with kids (day off from school) as well as other things – plus waiting for the use of my computer as the damn kids are using it all the time!!!!!

This sure freaked me out as I really wasn’t expecting this, or if I did have cancer, I thought it was just getting started. This sounds like it has been going on for a while, so probably more advanced, especially with two swollen lymph nodes. I have been crying at the drop of a hat, worrying about my kids losing their mother when they are too young, worried about Paul, worried about . . . etc, etc. Today I took Cody for a walk and while I was walking thinking that if I wasn’t around there wasn’t anyway that Paul would be able to take the kids to classes, be home for them after school, etc, etc while working a full time job . . . unless he had help. Then I got to thinking that he might actually get married again . . . to a bitch (of course) who would then be raising MY kids!!! I said no way in hell was this going to happen! I sent Paul an email saying if he was thinking of getting together with the bitch that had been flirting with him a few years back he had another thought coming!